October 10, 2005

A Lot Of Living To Do

Today, I can't seem to get part of a song to stop going through my head.  Maybe if you sing along with me, it might help?

Life's a ball, if only you know it.
And it's all just waiting for you.
You're alive, so come on and show it.
There's such a lot of living to do.
Posted by AdamLink at 00:50:10 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

October 05, 2005

What Goes Around

MONDAY'S ECLIPSE

Astrology is all about cycles.  If a major transit is bringing events or changes to your life, chances are (if you are old enough), you can look back and find a parallel event.

Take for example Monday's Solar Eclipse (Oct 3, 2005, 10 Libra 19).  Many people are already noticing the changes it has begun to bring into their lives.  An eclipse brings your focus to a particular area of your life (depending on your own chart)...and demands change.  Sometimes something is actually eclipsed out of your life. Sometimes, it is temporarly put aside so you can focus on other things.  But always, it brings about long lasting changes.

And for some, the eclipse follows on the intense changes precipitated over the past year or so, as Pluto was hanging around 20-23 Sagittarius (culminating in the Pluto Station in early September.)   Pluto comes along and, in some way, strips you naked, vulnerable.  Oh, in the long run, it is for your own good, but it can hurt like hell, especially if you try to hold on tight to what is being ripped away.

We can certainly lay claim to living in interesting times.

But remember, Astrology is about cycles.  This week's eclipse was not unique at all.  In fact, an eclipse remarkably like this one occurred on October 3, 1986 (at 10 Libra 16.) If you can remember what you were going through then, it will better help you understand what is going on now.  What was eclipsed from your life then?  What changes did you make back then?

And even Pluto had a parallel influence back then.  In October 1986, it was in the middle of its travels in the vicinity of 7 Scorpio.  Every part of your chart that has felt the conjunction, square or opposition from Pluto in recent months felt a semi-square or sesquiquadrate back in the fall of 1986.  Can you find a parallel between then and now, and your feelings of losing something....or of being completely vulnerable?

I suspect that such parallel astrological events occur because we have a lot of lessons to learn....and there is no way we could learn them all at once.  So the Creator, in his infinite wisdom, only gives us so much to deal with at one time. 

If you are old enough to remember 1986....what lessons did you learn then that could help you better deal with the lessons you need to learn now?

And if you aren't old enough to remember 1986, don't feel left out.  There is another Solar Eclipse in 19 years (October 2, 2024, 10 Libra 04) that you will call upon you to use the lessons you are learning now, in 2005.

Posted by AdamLink at 15:34:15 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

October 02, 2005

Thought for today

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart."
-E.E. Cummings
Posted by AdamLink at 20:18:55 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

September 25, 2005

Found a stitch

Thanks to my friend Beth, who reminded me that I still have a stitch of clothing.  Tomorrow, I call the Children's Hospital to see about volunteering my time to help take care of newborn babies.

And thanks to my friend Traci, who helped me find the words to describe the cloth.  It can be found in this discussion:

"Once there came the great Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotsk, he who lived in the nineteenth century.
A man came who said, "Rabbi, I simply cannot believe."
"Why not, my son?" the rabbi asked.
"Because I see in this world deceit and corruption."
The rabbi answered, "So why do you care?"
The man continued, "I see in this world hunger, poverty and homelessness."
And the rabbi once again said, "So why do you care?"
The man said, "What do you mean, Rabbi, why do I care? What else is there to care about but the way of the world?"
Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotsk ended the conversation and said, "Do not be disturbed. If you care so much, you are a believer."

Oh, and I guess I have another piece of cloth I forgot about.  I have friends.
Posted by AdamLink at 15:55:33 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Nakedness

I realized recently that I have lost everything. 

Oh, not material goods...I still have an apartment, a bed, my computer, my car, and other things

No, what I have lost is everything about who I thought I was, and what I wanted out of life. When I wake up in the morning now, I have no idea why I am still here on earth.  Getting up now is going through the motions. 

I go to work.  Why? Because if I don't, I won't have income, and then I won't be able to pay my bills.  But the work I do means absolutely nothing to me.  And yet, I have no idea what I would really like to be doing.

After work, I go home, because except for things like grocery shopping and putting gas in my car, there is nothing in the outside world that draws me anymore.  Nothing I want to do, no place I look forward to going to.

I turn on the television....and find I'm only half interested in the shows that used to have me riveted, such as CSI, or NCIS.  And nothing else on television even interests me at all.  So I pick up a book....and after a few pages realize that I don't remember what I've read.

There was a time when what I wanted more than anything in the world was to find a woman and 'live happily ever after."  But now, I have lost interest in being part of a relationship.  It is not in me anymore.  I've even lost all interest in flirting.  Pretty damn strange, they tell me, for a Gemini to stop flirting.  But I've even lost that part of me.

I stand here naked.  Naked of everything that I used to identify as Zane.  I am not wearing a persona anymore...and I don't know how to start building a new one.

I have no interested in suicide...but I think I can understand better how a sucide feels now.  If you lose who you are.....then life has no meaning. 

I'm spending my time now, hoping that something in life will interest me....and then maybe I can start start getting dressed again.


Posted by AdamLink at 14:12:55 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

September 18, 2005

Digging Up an Oldie but Goodie

Every once in awhile, I bring out this old poem and re-read it.  It always helps me get my sense of perspective back:

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others; even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in oyur own career however humble; it is a real posession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism

Be yourself. Espacially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

MAX EHRMANN 1927 
Posted by AdamLink at 16:43:44 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

September 17, 2005

FULL MOON

A MAJOR BATTLE

It  is evening on September 17.  The Sun will soon be down, and tonight will become a bright night because it is the night of the Full Moon. 

At 10:02 PM EDT (or 7:02 PM PDT, the Moon reaches the moment of exact fullness at 25 Pisces 16. 

This is an exceptional Full Moon, however, because Mercury will be at 25 Virgo 14.....which is for all intents and purposes exactly opposite the Moon.

Normally the Full Moon each month is a time when emotion dominates over reason.  This can be good if you are writing poetry, or meditating.  It can be bad if you need to keep a cool head.

But this Lunation, more than other Full Moons, shows a war between emotion and logic.  The battles may have been brewing for the past two weeks, but they come to a head now, and the repercussions may be felt for the next two weeks.

Want some advice?  Don't seek out a confrontation right now....it may be a bit more than you want to handle.  Have you been fighting with someone lately?  Well, if you can't make peace tonight....best stay away from them for a bit. 

I'l tell you what tonight is really good for though....putting emotions and feelings into words.  Even if only for yourself....let the words flow.  It will do you good.

.  




Posted by AdamLink at 19:01:24 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

September 12, 2005

Through a Glass Darkly

As a general rule, people see things only through their own eyes.  It's the way we are built, I guess.  And of course, people remember events the way they saw them.  It is not logical to expect otherwise.

Of course, when there are two people involved, each seeing things through their own eyes, you can end up with two memories that bear little or no resemblance to each other.  This makes a lot of sense when you consider the comment, "Let me tell you my side of the story."  On some level, even if only in the subconscious mind, we often realize that their are two different ways of looking at the situation...and neither one is 100% correct.

Sometimes, though, a person is so upset/hurt/enraged by a particular situation that they paint the picture of what happened, not as "my side of the story", but as facts.  Their hurt/anger comes through in the way the tell the story, sometimes with so much vehemence that the listener is totally stunned that the other person could have been so dispicable! 

I have two friends....I will call them Larry and Anna.  They were married, seemingly happily, for several years....but when the breakup came, it was terribly dirty.  Anna painted Larry as someone so awful, Hitler would have idolized him.  Larry painted Anna as so low and vile that the listener would almost expect her to be the female incarnation of Lucifer.  And when they each discussed particular events that stirred their rage.....it hardly seemed they were talking about the same event at all! (On the few occasions where they were discussing an event I was there for, I noticed how each had conveniently left out some details as they told the story....and without those details the events painted the other partner in a much, much worse light.)

Anna's friends believed her.  They think Larry is an evil, selfish bastard. 

Larry's friends believed him.  They think Anna is a slut, a whore, and worse.

I'm in a difficult position.  I was friends with both Larry and Anna for fifteen years before the divorce.  I like them both.  Neither one is perfect, both have done stupid things, in and out of the relationship....but hey, I don't know anyone who is perfect or hasn't done stupid things.

So I never mention Larry when I talk to Anna.  And never mention Anna when I talk to Larry. If the ex-spouse is ever brought up, I listen patiently, and then try to move on to another subject.  (The world should consider it lucky that the two of them have moved halfway across the country from each other, instead of in the same town.)

The point of all this, I guess, is that I've learned that no matter how bad a picture someone paints of another person, it is based on only their own perspective, and colored by their hurt/anger/rage.

No wonder the Arabs and the Israelis will never have peace....and no wonder each sees the other as being spawn of Satan.

Posted by AdamLink at 16:19:46 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

September 10, 2005

Metamorphosis



In the mid-Sixties, a bunch of guys began to jam together.  They had different musical styles, so it took awhile for them to get it all together. But they began a process of turning several separate musicians into one tight knit band.  It has always reminded me of the caterpillar, spinning a coccoon, and transforming into something that bursts forth with beautiful wings taking immediate flight out into the world. 

So it was very appropriate to me when, in 1966, the lead singer and keyboard player of the band, Doug Ingle, named hs new group "Iron Butterfly".  He wanted a name that spoke of both beauty, and having it all together...solid....strong.   (Everyone knows the rock classic that came out a couple years later, " In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida")

I was searching for a metaphor to describe what I am going through of late, with all the Pluto energy in my life.  Pluto is known for ruling death, but some people forget that it also rules rebirth as well.  The process of entering into a coccoon, and going through a metamorphisis, is in effect the death knoll for the caterpillar.  But if the universe looks upon him with favor, he comes alive as a whole new creature....so different from the caterpillar that it boggles the mind that one begat the other.

I've been a caterpillar for a long, long time.  Like the little creeping insect, I've been bound to the earth, my very emotional nature keeping me from soaring.   I've clung to an emotional need to be loved the way the little guy clings to the plant's stem as he crawls across it. 

I grew up shaping  my self-image based upon the attention I've gotten from others....most notably members of the opposite sex.  Whenever the woman of my dreams dropped me from her life, it hurt so bad because I only saw myself as having worth if I was loved.   And what is worse, I would compare myself to other males who got more attention than myself, and then suffer intense pain because I lacked whatever it was they had. 

And when I was hurting....the rest of my life would suffer.  I couldn't give my projects the attention they deserved, and the only creativity I was able to show was in writing poems and songs about how badly I was hurting.  (That is, when I didn't play all those sad, sand songs over and over again written by other people.)

Pluto's come around to me now, though.  I've grown increasingly tired of the hurting.  I've begun to enter my coccoon, and watch the old me begin to die. At first, I held on tightly to the old me, because it is the only me I've ever known.....it might have been responsible for putting me through emotional hell over and over....but at least it was familiar, at least it wasn't an unknown.

But finally, I've come to the realization that I want the old me dead.....because it was never really me.  It was a simulcrum, a construct.  Finally (after dealing with Pluto smacking me aside the head, and the heart, sevreal times), I looked at the god of death straight in the face and said, "I'm ready.  Strip me naked. I want to stand before you totally vulnerable....but with nothing  here that is not me.  Show me who I am, and midwife my birth into the real Zane."

And the tears inside of me welled up one more time.  They wouldn't stop. For hours.  Every hurt over love lost....every pain over not being 'good enough'....flashed before my heart one more time.  I'm glad you weren't here to witness it....it must have been a horrible site.

But then, the last tear fell, and there were no more.   I tried to bring back the pain of being told that she loved someone more than me....and it wasn't mine anymore.  I felt sorry for him, that he had to suffer.  But I didn't feel his pain as my own. 

The change is not complete.  The metamorphisis is not finished.....but already I can feel the wings pushing up against the top of my coccoon.  And I know I'll have no trouble bursting free when the time comes...because Pluto is not just turning me into a butterfly (beautiful, able to soar...but still very vulnerable.)  No, Pluto is turning me into an Iron Butterfly......powerful wings to soar higher than I ever imagined, and a solid sense of self, no longer dependent upon the attentions of others.   I won't be indestructible.....but now I realize that no one can ever hurt me again unless I give them the power to do so....and I'm going to be too busy exploring the world for the first time in my life to ever hand someone that type of control again.





Posted by AdamLink at 12:59:59 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

No Egress

THANKS TO EVERYONE

After my last blog entry, I had so many friends telling me that they didn't want me to leave Tribe, I couldn't go.  (I even had one person tell me, in no uncertain terms, that I was NOT to leave. OK, you can put the whip down.  I promise....I'm staying!)

I also received a few posts from friends who said stuff like, "Hey, I always reply when you write to me!"  And that's true....some of my Tribe buddies are wonderful that way.  I'm sorry if it seemed like I implied that no one was answering my notes. 

The truth is, though, that there ARE several people that I really care for who never answer my posts anymore.  I see them posting on various tribes, they are still part of my network, but any notes I write to them might as well be lost in space.  It would be different if I didn't care for these people so much....  If they'd at least drop me a brief note, or even msg me on Yahoo, I'd be a much happier camper.

So anyway, I guess you all are gonna be seeing me around Tribe, discussing astrology, flirting with the ladies, and in general looking for what mischief I can get into.  I'll keep on moderating my tribes, too:

Intensity

.

Triple Fire - Aries/Leo/Sagittarius

.

S.L.U.T.S.

.

Zee Tribe

.

Tinas Nibbilicious Tribe

And as long as I'm mentioning this tribe, I want to say that, even though Tina and I did not work out, I think the world of her, she is a wonderful, very special lady, and I hope to always be able to call her friend.


Posted by AdamLink at 06:29:35 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |