Through a Glass Darkly
As a general rule, people see things only through their own eyes. It's the way we are built, I guess. And of course, people remember events the way they saw them. It is not logical to expect otherwise.
Of course, when there are two people involved, each seeing things through their own eyes, you can end up with two memories that bear little or no resemblance to each other. This makes a lot of sense when you consider the comment, "Let me tell you my side of the story." On some level, even if only in the subconscious mind, we often realize that their are two different ways of looking at the situation...and neither one is 100% correct.
Sometimes, though, a person is so upset/hurt/enraged by a particular situation that they paint the picture of what happened, not as "my side of the story", but as facts. Their hurt/anger comes through in the way the tell the story, sometimes with so much vehemence that the listener is totally stunned that the other person could have been so dispicable!
I have two friends....I will call them Larry and Anna. They were married, seemingly happily, for several years....but when the breakup came, it was terribly dirty. Anna painted Larry as someone so awful, Hitler would have idolized him. Larry painted Anna as so low and vile that the listener would almost expect her to be the female incarnation of Lucifer. And when they each discussed particular events that stirred their rage.....it hardly seemed they were talking about the same event at all! (On the few occasions where they were discussing an event I was there for, I noticed how each had conveniently left out some details as they told the story....and without those details the events painted the other partner in a much, much worse light.)
Anna's friends believed her. They think Larry is an evil, selfish bastard.
Larry's friends believed him. They think Anna is a slut, a whore, and worse.
I'm in a difficult position. I was friends with both Larry and Anna for fifteen years before the divorce. I like them both. Neither one is perfect, both have done stupid things, in and out of the relationship....but hey, I don't know anyone who is perfect or hasn't done stupid things.
So I never mention Larry when I talk to Anna. And never mention Anna when I talk to Larry. If the ex-spouse is ever brought up, I listen patiently, and then try to move on to another subject. (The world should consider it lucky that the two of them have moved halfway across the country from each other, instead of in the same town.)
The point of all this, I guess, is that I've learned that no matter how bad a picture someone paints of another person, it is based on only their own perspective, and colored by their hurt/anger/rage.
No wonder the Arabs and the Israelis will never have peace....and no wonder each sees the other as being spawn of Satan.
