Nakedness
I realized recently that I have lost everything.
Oh, not material goods...I still have an apartment, a bed, my computer, my car, and other things
No, what I have lost is everything about who I thought I was, and what I wanted out of life. When I wake up in the morning now, I have no idea why I am still here on earth. Getting up now is going through the motions.
I go to work. Why? Because if I don't, I won't have income, and then I won't be able to pay my bills. But the work I do means absolutely nothing to me. And yet, I have no idea what I would really like to be doing.
After work, I go home, because except for things like grocery shopping and putting gas in my car, there is nothing in the outside world that draws me anymore. Nothing I want to do, no place I look forward to going to.
I turn on the television....and find I'm only half interested in the shows that used to have me riveted, such as CSI, or NCIS. And nothing else on television even interests me at all. So I pick up a book....and after a few pages realize that I don't remember what I've read.
There was a time when what I wanted more than anything in the world was to find a woman and 'live happily ever after." But now, I have lost interest in being part of a relationship. It is not in me anymore. I've even lost all interest in flirting. Pretty damn strange, they tell me, for a Gemini to stop flirting. But I've even lost that part of me.
I stand here naked. Naked of everything that I used to identify as Zane. I am not wearing a persona anymore...and I don't know how to start building a new one.
I have no interested in suicide...but I think I can understand better how a sucide feels now. If you lose who you are.....then life has no meaning.
I'm spending my time now, hoping that something in life will interest me....and then maybe I can start start getting dressed again.
Oh, not material goods...I still have an apartment, a bed, my computer, my car, and other things
No, what I have lost is everything about who I thought I was, and what I wanted out of life. When I wake up in the morning now, I have no idea why I am still here on earth. Getting up now is going through the motions.
I go to work. Why? Because if I don't, I won't have income, and then I won't be able to pay my bills. But the work I do means absolutely nothing to me. And yet, I have no idea what I would really like to be doing.
After work, I go home, because except for things like grocery shopping and putting gas in my car, there is nothing in the outside world that draws me anymore. Nothing I want to do, no place I look forward to going to.
I turn on the television....and find I'm only half interested in the shows that used to have me riveted, such as CSI, or NCIS. And nothing else on television even interests me at all. So I pick up a book....and after a few pages realize that I don't remember what I've read.
There was a time when what I wanted more than anything in the world was to find a woman and 'live happily ever after." But now, I have lost interest in being part of a relationship. It is not in me anymore. I've even lost all interest in flirting. Pretty damn strange, they tell me, for a Gemini to stop flirting. But I've even lost that part of me.
I stand here naked. Naked of everything that I used to identify as Zane. I am not wearing a persona anymore...and I don't know how to start building a new one.
I have no interested in suicide...but I think I can understand better how a sucide feels now. If you lose who you are.....then life has no meaning.
I'm spending my time now, hoping that something in life will interest me....and then maybe I can start start getting dressed again.
