October 10, 2005

A Lot Of Living To Do

Today, I can't seem to get part of a song to stop going through my head.  Maybe if you sing along with me, it might help?

Life's a ball, if only you know it.
And it's all just waiting for you.
You're alive, so come on and show it.
There's such a lot of living to do.
Posted by AdamLink at 00:50:10 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

October 02, 2005

Thought for today

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart."
-E.E. Cummings
Posted by AdamLink at 20:18:55 | Permanent Link | Comments (1) |

September 25, 2005

Found a stitch

Thanks to my friend Beth, who reminded me that I still have a stitch of clothing.  Tomorrow, I call the Children's Hospital to see about volunteering my time to help take care of newborn babies.

And thanks to my friend Traci, who helped me find the words to describe the cloth.  It can be found in this discussion:

"Once there came the great Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotsk, he who lived in the nineteenth century.
A man came who said, "Rabbi, I simply cannot believe."
"Why not, my son?" the rabbi asked.
"Because I see in this world deceit and corruption."
The rabbi answered, "So why do you care?"
The man continued, "I see in this world hunger, poverty and homelessness."
And the rabbi once again said, "So why do you care?"
The man said, "What do you mean, Rabbi, why do I care? What else is there to care about but the way of the world?"
Rabbi Menachem Mendel of Kotsk ended the conversation and said, "Do not be disturbed. If you care so much, you are a believer."

Oh, and I guess I have another piece of cloth I forgot about.  I have friends.
Posted by AdamLink at 15:55:33 | Permanent Link | Comments (2) |

Nakedness

I realized recently that I have lost everything. 

Oh, not material goods...I still have an apartment, a bed, my computer, my car, and other things

No, what I have lost is everything about who I thought I was, and what I wanted out of life. When I wake up in the morning now, I have no idea why I am still here on earth.  Getting up now is going through the motions. 

I go to work.  Why? Because if I don't, I won't have income, and then I won't be able to pay my bills.  But the work I do means absolutely nothing to me.  And yet, I have no idea what I would really like to be doing.

After work, I go home, because except for things like grocery shopping and putting gas in my car, there is nothing in the outside world that draws me anymore.  Nothing I want to do, no place I look forward to going to.

I turn on the television....and find I'm only half interested in the shows that used to have me riveted, such as CSI, or NCIS.  And nothing else on television even interests me at all.  So I pick up a book....and after a few pages realize that I don't remember what I've read.

There was a time when what I wanted more than anything in the world was to find a woman and 'live happily ever after."  But now, I have lost interest in being part of a relationship.  It is not in me anymore.  I've even lost all interest in flirting.  Pretty damn strange, they tell me, for a Gemini to stop flirting.  But I've even lost that part of me.

I stand here naked.  Naked of everything that I used to identify as Zane.  I am not wearing a persona anymore...and I don't know how to start building a new one.

I have no interested in suicide...but I think I can understand better how a sucide feels now.  If you lose who you are.....then life has no meaning. 

I'm spending my time now, hoping that something in life will interest me....and then maybe I can start start getting dressed again.


Posted by AdamLink at 14:12:55 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |

September 18, 2005

Digging Up an Oldie but Goodie

Every once in awhile, I bring out this old poem and re-read it.  It always helps me get my sense of perspective back:

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others; even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in oyur own career however humble; it is a real posession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism

Be yourself. Espacially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

MAX EHRMANN 1927 
Posted by AdamLink at 16:43:44 | Permanent Link | Comments (0) |